


Come back to me

by benjlover3604



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:10:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5830294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjlover3604/pseuds/benjlover3604
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Athena can feel the demons in her mind, she gets no peace from there voices so finally she decides to end it all. But fate has other plans, and in a twisted turn of events she is made tranquil by mistake. Now Cullen and her friends must try to find away to bring her back.  Will they be able to connect her once more with the fade or will she be lost forever to the ones who love her most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing :) enjoy

Athena Trevelyan sat at her desk in her lavish room. Her head was in her hands as she rocked slowly back and forth. The voices in her head would not give her peace. In Haven they were just small whispers in the back of her mind. As a mage the calls and voices of demons were nothing new to her, but she could always push them from her mind. She would never give herself over to one of those monsters. But recently it had become so much worse. The mark on her hand seemed to attract every demon within 20 square miles. Their voices were constant. They were loudest on the throne, as if they knew she held someone’s fate in her hands at that exact moment. 

“Kill him……Punish him for what he has done….blood…make them pay in blood.”  
“You are weak, let us take over.”  
“So tired….sleep…we will handle things…”

She couldn’t let anyone know what she was hearing. Her judgment was her own, but the thoughts still plagued her. They were true, she wanted justice and some of the people before her did terrible things. They deserved to be killed, to know the fear and pain they had caused. But she was not that kind of person, they was always a better way to handle prisoners. They could be put to work, or useful for the spread of the inquisition. She always saw reason when handling the fate of those she judged, but it still didn’t keep the voices at bay. 

Right now at her desk they were in an up roar, after the destruction of Haven they seemed to push through the fade onto her mind. There was no rest from there constant screams and demands for power. They told her how it was all her fault, so many died because of her. She hadn’t done enough to protect them. Visions of her standing covered in the blood of those lost at Haven were pushed into her mind. They would flash behind her eyes like lighting. 

Athena rubbed her temples hoping to silence the voices and cast away the visions but it was no use. They would not stop. Finally it was too much and she shot up from her chair and thrusted her arms out at her sides sending bolts of lightning from her finger tips. 

“ENOUGH!” She yelled. Looking around she saw that her outburst had caused burns to mark the wall along with the small fire that had started on the curtain next to her. Then she saw him.

Cullen stood at the top of her steps, papers in hand; he was looking at her his brow pressed down in concern. 

Trevelyan straighten her shirt and fixed her posture so that she look some what presentable. Then she smiled at him, “Commander, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you came in.” she said walking over to the small fire and patted it out. 

“Inquisitor……I did not mean to intrude.” He said walking over to her. 

She refused to meet his eye as she sighed and walked on to her balcony. She could just make out the soldiers sparing out by the pub. All these people under her command and here she was battling voices in her head. 

Cullen fallowed her, put his hand on her shoulder her turned her so she would look at him. “Are you alright?” He asked. She still wouldn’t meet his gaze so he lifted his hand to her chin and softly pulled her chin to look at him. “Trevelyan. I asked a question.” He said.

Athena looked into his hazel eyes, they were so strong hard after years of trials, but she could see the tenderness around the edges. How they said what he was too afraid to. She knew that he desired her. The need and want was in his eyes along with lust. She could feel them all as he stood there looking at her. She flicked her eyes down to his lips, by the maker they were perfect. She wanted to taste them, to have them cover every inch of her body. To feel them trace down her neck then to end at her breast. Have him lick and bite as he ran a hand between her legs, building her up for the release she needed. 

“I can make that happen, let me show you how to please him. To fulfill your desire.” 

Trevelyan knew that voice well, the desire demon had plagued her for weeks. It knew that she wanted Cullen. And it played on her passion, but it was because of this that she pushes him away. She would not give the demon that chance to take over her mind. She couldn’t risk being so overcome with emotion that she could give control of herself to the beast. 

Cullen rubbed his thumb over her cheek tenderly, the action made Trevelyan closed her eyes and moan softly. He could make her feel this way with just one touch. He body demanded more. She took a step closer to him, her body pressed lightly to his now. 

“Cullen…” she sighed looking back up at him from beneath her lashes. As he chest rubbed against his she saw the lust that was once hidden in his eyes push its way to the surface. He wrapped his arm around the small of her back and pulled her tighter to him. 

The image of them wrapped around one another flashes in her mind, and then him on top of her eyes closed in bliss as he thrusts into her. The images send fire down her body pooling between her legs. Then his eyes open and they are no longer the brown loving ones she was stareing into seconds before. Now they are black and empty, the acts of the demon pressing in her head. She flings her arms out pushing him away hard. 

“Kill him!” The action was pushed into her head like it was a thought of her own. But she knew it was not hers.

“You will not have him!” she said her hands flexing in front of her.

Cullen taken by surprise puts his hand instinctively to his sword and stumbles back, confusion on his face, as he rights himself.

Athena blinked quickly, the vision no longer clouding her mind. She saw the way he was looking at her, his hand still resting on his weapon. She was a monster. Just like the ones from his past, she was what the voices wanted, and they didn’t even have to possess her to make her this way. 

“Like us! Monster!”

“I’m sorry.” She said taking a deep breath. Her hands flew to her head as the pain threatened to rip her very mind apart. 

“Trevelyan! What is going on!” Cullen said rushing to her side. 

“Stop! Stay back. I don’t want to hurt you.” She said trying to back away from him. 

“Why would you hurt me?” He asked looking down at her. 

This was not happening, not here not now, not in front of him. She would not allow these things to inpact her life like this. She was in control! Not them. It took all her will but she soon stood straight and forced her mind to go blank. She would not look weak, she was the inquisitor, leader of one of the most powerful armies in all the land. Her mind would not be toyed with like some weak defenseless mage. 

“I think you need to leave.” Athena said turning away from him. Trying to collect herself the best she could. 

“But, what just happened. Trevelyan if there is something going on we need…” Cullen started but was cut off by her harsh tone.

“NO! The only thing you need to do is what I have asked you to.” She said firmly without looking at him. 

“As you wish.” He said flatly turning to leave. His boots fell heavy on the floor. 

Xxxx  
Xxxx  
Xxxx

It had been three days since she was with Cullen, Athena had not left her room. The others would come by and demand that she come out but she refused. She kept her door barded and locked. On the second day she added a magic ward to it, for fear that Iron Bull would break it down. As he promised to do, she thought back to the moment.

“Boss you in there?” he asked threw the large wooden door. She was standing on her over look in her bed room and could hear his loud voice clearly.  
“Go away bull.” She answered sitting down in her chair.  
“Look were starting to worry Cullen said some things about the way you were acting. We are all worried. At least let me come in and make sure you ok in there.” He said.

“I’m fine. Now go.” 

That’s when she heard the door start to shake. He was going to pull it right off the hinges. “Knock it off! Can’t I be alone for a while.” She yelled down to him.

“Boss you’re the leader of a whole origination, you’re never going to be alone. Now I’m going to get my axe and knock this fucking thing down if you don’t open up.” 

Trevelyan pulled her legs up into her chest. Rocking.

“Have it your way then. Be back soon.” He said then she heard him walking away. 

The barrier had survived against his axe. She heard others calling to her, but they were nothing compared to those voices in her head. The mark on her hand flared up constantly. It was like the voices already had control over her. looking at the mirror handing on the wall she shook her head, the black rings under her eyes made her face look sunken, her normally shining white hair seemed dull and nappy. She had not eaten for days yet the pain wasn’t in her stomach, she could focus on nothing but her mind. Her lack of sleep was not helping either, she knew that she was losing her grasp on what was real and what wasn’t.  
Papers littered her floor, along with her books and cloths. She had flung them all around in her fits of rage. 

It wouldn’t be long now. She knew it, her mind would break and then she would be open to any demon, they would take control of her and then lead the inquisition to ruin. There was only one way to stop it. Standing she looked out at the snow covered mountains. The snow look so soft and beautiful, that’s how she would end it. All the voices and demands, she would fling herself from her balcony. That was the only way. Just as she took the first step she heard voices.

“Herald, Are you awake?” Varric’s voice was as clear as day. She smiled as she thought of the dwarf. He always made her feel better, no matter how down she was he could always make her laugh. There wasn’t a mean bone in his body, she loved him like a brother. 

“Pain pushing raceing pulling it in two. Fighting to keep me here. I’m me not them. The burning boiling behind my eyes. Constantly call.” Cole said from some where behind the door. 

Trevelyan close her eyes, maker how long had she hid it from them. She guessed she really was close to the end if Cole could read her so easily now. She couldn’t be upset with him though, just like Varric she loved Cole. He was so sweet and thought of everyone but himself. The others had taken time to warm up to him but she liked him as soon as he had appeared at Haven. 

“Is he talking about the inquisitor?” Cullen voice asked. 

“Kid can you hear what’s going on?” Varric asked Cole. 

“It’s hard. It’s not her voice. It’s her but her voice is so small. Others fight to take her place. Ripping her, her mind pulling.” Cole answered.

“Others? Does he mean demons?!” Cassandra asked. 

“Yes. They want her. They have been fighting for her. In her. They are bad, they want dark things. Kill them kill all of them let us in, we will help, so much responsibility, take a break sleep, come to us. Blood bodies laying everywhere. Now bodies on top of another skin smacking together sweat slick on them. You want him. The Templar, you want him inside of you. He will never want you, he hates what you are. Monster, evil, die. Lock you away again, no more sky. No friend, all gone. Alone all alone. Except for us. Were here. Let us in.” Cole looked at Cullen.

“You’re the templar.” He told him. 

“Makers breath, has she been in pain this whole time.” Cullen asked.

“She needed a break, someone to ease her burden. A way to release tension.” Iron bull grumpled. 

“Finally an end. Silence, snow so white so beautiful. Perfect pure, like falling into a pillow. The fall will be quick. Then it will be over, no more voices. No more power. Just quite.” Cole was looking a Varric. 

“What is that? what are you hearing?” Varric asked. “You gotta make some sense kid.” 

“She’s too tired. She’s decided to end it before something takes over her mind. Thinks it will set things right. She was too weak to lead. Never really ment to, just an accident. She’s righting the wrong.” 

“GET THIS DOOR OPEN NOW!” Cullen shouted. 

“Well then I suggest all you people move so the only one here that actually has the magical ability to do so can get through.” Dorian said shoving threw the crowed. 

Trevelyan hear him starting to pull down the barrier, her pace quickened as she walked out the doors. They couldn’t help her, no magic in the world can save a mage when they have lost control of their own minds. She would be the down fall of the whole inquisition. She couldn’t let that happen, she had to do the right thing. It was for the greater good. Pulling herself up onto the railing she heard the wood splinter and crack as the finally busted through the door. she closed her eyes as the wind whipped around her knowing that peace would soon come. 

“Trevelyan!” Cullen yelled. she looked at them over her shoulder. Cullen standing a few feet from the door, Varric to his left with Cole and Iron Bull behind him. Cassandra was on his right her eyes wide with fear. 

Athena felt bad, all the work she had put into defending her, the women had been cast out of her own church just because she believed in Athena, now all that was pointless. All her hard work gone. 

“Whoa Boss, why don’t you come down from there. Let’s talk.” Iron bull said his hand reaching out in a calming gesture. 

Trevelyan smiled at them then stepped over the edge. The last thing she heard was Cullen voice, “NO!”

Xxx  
Xxx  
Xxx

They had all moved with lightning speed to the edge of the balcony. Varric doing the first thing he could think of quickly grabbed Bianca he sent a bolt flying toward the inquisitor. The arrow pierced her shoulder and knotted out the other side. Causing her to stop mid-air and slam into the rough stone side of her tower. The force of her full weight slammed on the rope almost lifting Varric off his feet. 

“A LITTLE HELP HERE PEOPLE!” He yelled struggling to pull her up. The rest soon joined him and together pulled up Athena. 

When her body made it to the top they pulled her body over and collectively gasped. The blood pouring from her head covered her hair turning it a sick hue of red. Her eyes and face were sunken and frail. 

“What happened to her?” Cassandra asked kneeling down pushing the hair from her face. 

“Well you take a tumble of a tower Seeker and lets see how you look.” Varric said cutting the rope attached to the arrow. Cassandra glared at him. 

“The demons might have had a tighter grip on her then we thought.” Dorain said pouring healing magic in to her. “We need to get her to a healer. I can patch her up but I’m no expert.” He motioned for Iron Bull. 

“Got it.” Bull walked over and slid his arms under her head and legs, carrying her bridal style. “Don’t worry Boss we’ll get you fixed up.” He said as he walked with Dorian toward the healing room. 

Cullen fallowed closely behind, his eyes never leaving Athena. He begged in his mind. 

Please. Please maker. Let her live.


	2. chapter 2

I still own nothing.   
Xxx  
Xxx  
Xxx  
“Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.” Cullen was kneeling in front of the statue of Andraste. His hands were folded together and raised to his forehead. His hands clenched tighter as he repeated the same chant over and over. 

How could he have been so blind? She was in pain the whole time, the calls of the demons and evil beings never left her. And yet she never let her composer slip. He should have been more vigilant, if he had not been so focused on her beauty then he might have seen how she suffered. 

The door creaking open made him straighten his shoulders trying to regain his composer. He didn’t have to turn around to know who was behind him. Cole carried with him a different air then most. Cullen wouldn’t call it evil or bad it was just different, almost as if he charged the air around him. Turning his head to look at the boy he watched as Cole pulled his legs to his chest sitting down on the first pew. 

“Any change?” Cullen asked standing to face him. 

Coles eyes went clear and seemed to glass over, Cullen knew that he was searching to hear Athena. To try and tune into her thoughts, when they had gotten her to the healers they shut them all out and when to work on her. They were in that room for almost four hours before the healer stepped from the room.  
~~~  
Cullen had been the first to approach him. “Well? How is she?” he asked a little too forcefully. The healer just shook his head.

“There is nothing more we can do. As a mage, her plight is different than that of the normal patient. Whatever battle is going on now is all in her head. And sadly that’s all up to her. She must find something to fight for.” He stepped aside and motioned to the door, “You all can go in now.” 

Cullen ran his hand threw his hair as he entered the room. The magic barriers that they had placed around her made her shine like a star. Her rift mark flared randomly causing the walls to remain in a haunted faint green shadow. 

Athena was tucked in with care. Her long white hair sprayed across the pillow she was laid on. They had bathed her and removed her armor. He could help but think how small she looked without it. She looked so weak lying there, unmoving under the thin sheet they had her tucked into.  
Varric pulled the worn blanket from the table and there it over her being careful to not hit her freshly bandaged wounds. “Makers breath.” He said with a sigh as he sat down in the chair beside her bed. 

For a time no one spoke, they just watched Athena’s chest rise and fall with her shallow breathing. Finally it was Vivienne who spoke first.

“Who will end this?” She asked walking up to the foot of the bed. Everyone turned and looked at her. 

“What are you talking about?” Solas asked still leaning on his staff. 

Vivienne rolled her eyes at the mage, “We all know what the cause of her fall was, She..” she started but was cut off by Varric.

“Hey Rapunzel if you have any inside information I’m sure we all would like to hear it.” He said earning him an aggravated sigh. 

“It’s clear to anyone with half a brain dwarf. She has been overtaken by demons. A sad fate but one that mages have known too well. She did not have the strength necessary to kept them from her mind.” 

“She has a personal window into the fade on her hand; I think that’s bound to cause a little more attraction then normal mages.” The dwarf answered back.

“That is beside the point; she is hair from turning into an abomination. Can you not see how bad that would be?” Vivienne said.

“So what are you suggesting? Should we just plunge a knife into her heart as she lay there?” Dorian asked her crossing his arms in front of him. The tall women just stared back at him. 

“By the gods women, have you no loyalty at all? I know you two didn’t really see eye to eye but for makers’ sake.” Dorian put his hands out, “This is madness, and I will not be part of this.”

“No one would.” Bull said getting up from his seat. “I think we all would die for the boss. So the idea that any of us would go along with killing her kinda pisses me off.” 

“Fine. If you all are too blind to see the danger here I no longer have any employment with the inquisition.” Vivienne spun on her heels and walked quickly through the door. “But consider for a moment the possibility that she does turn into an abomination, would any of you be able to make the call that needed to be made? Or would your friendship stay your hand.” As she walked out the door she made a point to look at Cullen. Knowing full well he still held ties to the Templar order. It would have been his job to end any threat should it arise.

Even if it came from…..her.

With the door now closed they all turned their eyes back to Athena. Sera shuffled back and forth on her feet, clearly uneasy with the idea of a possessed inquisitor. 

“Could that….I mean could she really be possessed?” She asked not looking up from her feet.

Solas sighed at the girls nativity, “She is a mage, demons call to all of us. The mark does not give her any safe guard from them. If anything it acts as a beacon to them, pulling them to her like a light in the dark. So to answer your question, yes, she could be possessed.” 

“Shite…….So….bitchy knickers was right? One of us would have to….to…” Sera swallowed hard not being able to finish.

They let her question hang in the air. All think the same thing, that they couldn’t kill the women laying before them. Athena had befriended every single person in the room, she helped them when they were in need, made them laugh at the weekly games of wicked grace. 

“But killing her would send her into the fade. It is not a nice place! No one wants to be there. Varric we did not kill the templar who killed me. Why would we kill her? She is good, she does not belong in the fade!” Cole said looking at the dwarf. 

Varric sighed and rubbed his temple, “I know kid, this…it would be different. She wouldn’t want to be a monster. She would want us to set her free.” 

“So you would kill her?” Dorian asked harshly.

Varric threw his hands up, “I’m not saying I would enjoy doing it sparkles. But she is my friend, I’d like to think I know her well enough to say that I know she wouldn’t want to live like that.” 

“Well hell why stop there! We have plenty of mages around why not start slitting their throats while they sleep for they are too close to the fade when they dream. And surly no one would want to live like that!” Dorian said. 

“Enough!” Cullen shouted. His voice seemed to boom off the walls of the small room. Everyone’s eyes turned to him.

“I can take this bickering no longer. If the time comes, IF it comes…..I will be the one to end her suffering.” He held his head high and stood a little straighter then necessary showing that there would be no arguing. 

“Comander.” Cassandra looked from Athena to Cullen. 

“I spent my life in the chantry, I alone have the training for this exact purpose. I might have left the Templars but I would never let an abomination roam free in the world. Even if….” Cullen could not finish. He looked back down at Athena. She was so beautiful, he wished he could run his hands over her hair, tracing over her closed eyes and ending on her soft pink lips. It was all to much. Not wanting to look weak he cleared his throat and turned toward the door. 

Even if it is the women I love. He finished in his mind.

~~~  
He could tell by the boys face that the situation had not changed. 

“I see.” He said his shoulders dropping. 

“I feel her now.” Cole said earning a gasp from Cullen.

“She is awake?!” He said stepping closer to the boy. 

“No, not awake. I feel her the way she was. Its like a snow flake rolling down a hill, small at first just whispers, easy to ignore to push out. Then it gains speed collecting others to it getting bigger and louder. Harder to push away, so loud. I could ask for help, no no weakness, what would they think. What would he think, I can show him we are not all the same. Have to be strong. They pull me use my love against me. They show me him show me what it could be like. Hush! No this is my mind. Get out.” Cole looked up and out of the window. Then continued.

“How could I tell them that I was losing myself. Losing the fight for control. They need me, I must save them, everyone. The mark it burns every time. Spreads a little more each rift, on the inside, hidden. Away from friends eyes. Good, no one will know, will see.”

“Stop.” Cullen said, his voice shaking slightly. He knew too well what it was like to be in the hands of demons, to have your brain picked apart. For the demons to use your most hidden secrets and desires against you, feel your mind slipping from your control. How could he have over looked the pain she was in. 

“The fade is no place to be.” Cole said looking back to the commander. 

He nodded and sat next to him on the bench. “Cole, you know I was a templar correct?” 

Cole shook his head.

“And you know what they are charged with right? What their duties are?” 

Again the boy nodded, “They kill mages.” 

Cullen sighed and ran his hands threw his hair, “No no…well yes they do sometimes have to kill apostates, but that’s not what the order was meant to be. We were the guardians against evil, wither that be mages demons or even just the corrupt.” 

Cole eyed him unblinking, “Templars killed me.” he said.

Cullen sighed again. This wasn’t what he was trying to say, why was he so bad at this? “I know. There are some bad templars that do not hold to what the order is.” 

“Just like there are some bad mages out there.” The voice came from behind them. Varric walked slowly to them. “Then there are the desperate, beaten down so much that they don’t know where else to turn. They make bad decision after bad decision until that’s all that is left and they are alone with their actions.” He stopped and leaned against the opposite pew. 

“Not all mages are beaten in the care of the templars, were some among us that had befriended mages.” Cullen said 

Varric chuckled, “Do you have names? I’m sure Blondie could use a few allies in the order right now.” He smiled and then looked at Cole, “Solas is looking for ya kid.” 

Cole nodded and mumbled to himself as he walked away. 

“How you holding up?” He asked cleaning under his nail.   
“I have felt better.” Cullen said looking back. 

“Haven’t we all.” Varric crossed over to him and sat down. “Look with all this talk about possessions and killing none of us seems to be remembering who exactly we are talking about here. The inquisitor is the strongest smartest most resilient women I have ever met. And for me that is saying something. I see a lot of Hawk in her. In fact if there was some way to mix the two of them together I think we would end up with the recreation of Andraste herself.” 

“Hawks no mage.” Cullen sighed.

“No, no she’s not. But trust me when I say that she has more experience with magic then even some mages do. And not all of those experiences were sun shine and daises. In fact most of them weren’t.” 

“I was there Varric you don’t have to lecture me about what it was like.” Cullen snapped at him.

“That’s not the point curly. What I’m trying to say is Hawk pulled threw everything she face and always came out on top. Athena is a lot like her, she couldn’t fail even if she wanted to, its not in her nature.” 

“Wasn’t it you yourself that said this story is no good for heroes?” 

“Athena is not hero,” the dwarf said earning a look from the commander, “She is so much more.”  
Xxx  
Xxx  
Xxx

Her eyes were still closed but her breathing had become much stronger then it was five days ago. Cullen sat beside her bed while the mages cleaned and redressed her wounds. after they were done he thanked them and asked them to close the door on their way out. 

When they were gone he moved closer to her bed settling on the side so he could slip his hand into hers. He rubbed his thumb in small circles on her wrist. Letting his mind wander as he sat there watching her. 

The mages said that she was improving, her mana was weak but up to normal levels and the color was finally returning to her face. Cullen knew that she was fighting, where ever she was, in her own head off in the fade somewhere, it didn’t matter there was nothing that could stop her. It made him proud that she had not given up. She fought on even when she was at her limits. 

She was so strong, he was in awe of her every time he saw her. Even in the very first moment he saw her on the mountain climbing toward the breach the fire that was clear threw her eyes made him want to put his faith in her. If anyone could have saved them it was her. And she did, with no complaints. She saved them all and no one even offered her a simple thank you or told her how much she meant to them. 

Somewhere in the distance he heard the sound of the church bell, which meant it was six am. The troops would be getting up and ready for training, which meant he would be needed. Sighing he rubbed his eyes, yet another sleepless night. Before he stood to walk out he lifted her hand to his lips rubbing them over her wrist just like his finger. The skin so soft against his, “Be back soon, my love.” He whispered into her skin then placed a kiss where he spoke. 

Before he closed the door behind him he cast on last look at her, the women he loved. A mage of all things, she had his heart wrapped around her finger and then when she jumped off the tower he had felt it ripped out. He would not lose her, not again. He would protect her from any threat even if that meant herself. 

Xxx  
Xxx  
Xxx

“SIR!” the scout busted through Cullen’s office door with a loud bang. Her eyes were wide, there was a thin layer of sweat that covered her face letting him know that she ran here from where ever she had been. She gulped looking around at the others that were in the room. 

“This better be important, were dealing with a time sensitive situation” Cullen said crossing his arms. 

The women nodded but then opened and close her mouth in quick repetition not knowing where to start.

“Well?” Cullen asked already exasperated with the time she was taking to speak.

“It’s the inquisitor sir….”

“What! What’s happened,” he quickly closed the distance to her and put his hands on each of her shoulders with a smile, “Is she awake?!” he asked excitedly.

The scout shook her head no, the smile then slipped from Cullen’s face. “She’s….she has been made tranquil sir.” 

Cullen’s hands fell to his sides, this couldn’t be happening. How could this have happened she had armed guards standing watch at all times, how could someone get to her? Who would want to do this? His hands balled into fists, they would pay whoever did this to her. 

As if she could read his thoughts the scout looked down at the floor, “It was lady Vivienne sir, she was caught while performing the ritual.”

“And Athena….is she…was the ritual completed?” Cullen asked his voice shaking.

“The ritual broke whatever state she was in, but it has detached her from the fade, she bares the mark of tranquility.” The scout looked back down at the ground. “I’m sorry sir.” 

Cullen pulled in a raged breath and brought a hand up to his eyes, rubbing them to stop the tears that threaten to fall. He then pushed past her, starting as a fast walk he ended in a sprint in full armor he got to the tent they had been keeping her in just in times to see them shackling Vivienne. He could feel the anger run through him like fire, it turned his blood to lava in his skin.

“I want her bound and gagged! Through her in the cells, no one is to talk to her until we sort any of this out!” Cullen bellowed to the guards handling her.

“There is nothing to sort out, I did what you all were unable to do. I saved everyone before she became a monster.” Vivienne said looking right at him.

Cullen cluched his hands to stop them from shaking, “Don’t you dare speak. I swear to the maker if one more word falls from your mouth I will make you beg to be given to the red templars.” He snarled at her then turned to the tent. “Get her out of here.” 

Taking a deep breath he pushed open the flap and walked in, the others were all standing facing him, everyone but one. The inquisitor was standing her back to him with her long white hair falling down her back. He couldn’t help but smile, seeing her standing made his heart want to jump out of his chest. 

But when she turned around to face him all the color drained from his face. He knew he would never know happiness again his life would never again be filled with the sound of her laughter or even the booming of her yells across the training field as she spar with her companions.

Athena faced him now, there was no smile on her face just a simple expression that showed neither happiness nor pain. She was just an empty shell of her former self. He couldn’t help the sob that broke from his lips as he met her eyes. They were flat, no shine or hint of emotion, the wild flare she once carried was ripped from her.

“Commander. How are you today?” Athena asked flatly. 

Cullen didn’t try to stop the sob this time as he fell to his knees in front of her. Reaching for her he grasped her hand and pressed it to his forehead as his body shook with grief his tears fell silently to the cold ground. 

Athena turned back and faced the others who were behind her, all who had cast their eyes to the ground, then asked in her same flat voice, “Is something wrong?”


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy! I saw a drawn photo online that influenced a part of this chapter and I had to put into my story I don’t know who drew it but it was heart breaking and I loved it.   
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Cullen watched her from the steps, it had been three days since he had walked in to her tent to find her tranquil and here she was standing surrounded by all the healers and mages that the inquisition could find, anyone that said they had a great knowledge of tranquility, they had called them, all coming from different corners of the world. 

“We could try forcing her into a rift…maybe the connection would reconnect..” One said.

“No no that wouldn’t work, what about charging her body with rift magic? If her body could adsorb even a little bit, it could..” Another stated.

“What about opening her head, maybe her brain could heal itself..,” another woman said earning looks from the others around, she stammered quickly after, “It was something the vints tried on their mage prisoners back in the dark ages. To see if the brain held any connection to the fade as well.” 

Grumbles were heard across the room as they dismissed the idea and went back to throwing out equally useless ideas. 

The whole time Athena stood there looking out the window of the great hall. Her face was void of all emotion and she looked as if she didn’t even care that the others were discussing her fate. She turned slightly and her eyes met Cullen’s. 

He held her gaze then smiled at her, in hopes she would return it. But she did not; she simply bowed her head a little and turned her gaze back to the window. He looked down into his hands which came up to hold his head as he rested fully into his chair. How could have this happened, he was responsible for her protection and he had let her become this empty shell. He had gotten too content, too used to the mages around, he knew what they were capable of and yet he let them walk freely, they needed to be locked away. All of them for their own good, and for the well being of others….No, no this was not his true feelings. He knew there was good in these mages. Athena herself had shown him how wrong he had been about them in the past. She showed him that they could be trusted….and even loved.

Cassandra interrupted his inner turmoil as she pulled a chair over to sit next to him, “All it seems they can agree on is that the fade needs to be involved in some way.” She said with a rough breath. 

Varric leaned against the table beside her, “Wonderful, the process of connecting her back to the fade needs the fade at some point…brilliant.” He said his usual joking tone gone. 

“They are the best we can do Varric. No one has ever been able to come back from tranquility.” She said and then stopped when she notice how Cullen trembled at her words. “But if anyone can do it, it is her, she has done impossible things in the past, and this would just be another of her miracles.”   
Cullen looked back at Athena, no matter how much it hurt him to see her like that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He scoffed when he heard Cassandra say something about the maker. 

“Maker? What maker? There is no maker.” He said with hate in his voice. Cassandra opened her mouth to disagree but Cullen had already turned his back and started to walk away. 

How could there be a maker, if there was how could he let this happen, surely he would know how important Athena was. There was no way he would let this happen to her; he would have had to smite anyone who tried to hurt her. So it became very clear to Cullen, the answer was simple. There was no maker, Athena was never a believer but she found his faith charming or so she told him once. Now he knew that she had been correct all along. They were alone on this journey.  
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It had been Dorian’s idea to take her to the Hinderlands, they had been Athena’s favorite place and he thought that maybe familiar surroundings could help her condition. It was a long shot but after a month of no results they were willing to try anything. Her party had been small; they didn’t want to raise suspicions in the area that the inquisitor was near. It was already hell trying to keep foreign officials away from Skyhold, news of the inquisitor’s condition had spread all over the land, many demanded to see for themselves. They had all done their best to keep them away but it was impossible to keep word of mouth from leaving the keep. 

Dorian, Cassandra, Varric, and Iron Bull walked in a square around Athena who looked flatly at the woods around her. They all kept pointing things out to her in hopes she would show a little emotion but she just stared at them then asked to move on. At one point she commented on the amount of bears in the area but when Varric asked how that made her feel she just shrugged and continued walking.   
It wasn’t long before they made it to the keep that they had once cleared of bandits. Deciding to take a break the five of them sat on the battlements and looked out at the land before them. 

No one spoke, for there was nothing to say. The truth was becoming clear, nothing could be done. They had lost Athena forever, and with her the means to end this war. The world was doomed; it wouldn’t be long until the future they saw at Redcliff would come to pass. 

“How long do you think we have?” Dorian asked to no one in particular. 

“Until demons over run the world and red stuff starts growing everywhere you mean?” Varric asked.

The mage nodded and then Cassandra sighed, “We will hold out as long as we can, although with Athena and her mark, I believe our cause is rather dim.” 

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.” Athena said eating her apple quietly. 

“No one blames you boss.” Bull said rubbing his head, Soon they sunk back into solemn silence. 

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They were walking back across the bridge to reach the farm lands in the Hinterlands when there was an all too familiar noise in the air. A rift hissed and sizzled alive as they stepped onto the ground on the other side of the water.

“Protect the Inquisitor!” Cassandra shouted loudly as the first demon popped from the rift. Soon three others fallowed. 

“How are we to beat them?! Without the means to close this they will just keep falling through!” Dorian said jumping in front of Athena while sending a fire ball at a despair demon that was getting dangerously close to her, but before it could hit, the demon dissolved and disappeared into the fade. Looking around he tried to find the source but as he turned he couldn’t keep the gasp/cry that left his mouth. 

Athena was standing right behind him her hand out stretched with the mark burning a bright green. Tears poured from her eyes and he could see she was shaking. Varric turned at the sound of Dorian’s cry ran quickly to his side. When he got close enough he saw what had cause Dorian to pause. 

“By the maker….” The dwarf said as he closed the distance between him and Athena. 

“A parchment….please…anything give me something!” Athena sobbed as she fell to her knees. Cassandra and Bull made short work of the other demons but the tale tell hiss told them more were coming. 

“Was she hurt?” Cassandra asked pushing past them, then seeing Athena’s tears stopped dead in her tracks. 

The inquisitor shot her hand into the air; the marked popped and held the rift in between closed and producing more demons. “Plea…please I can’t hold it long, I must have something to write on…anything. QUICKLY!” She begged. Varric pulled out the only form of paper he had a copy of Hard in Hightown and placed it quickly in front of her. 

“A quill!?” She added looking at them, they all turned their packs upside down in hopes something would fall out that she could use but nothing did. 

Looking around in desperation Athena grabbed a rock that had busted forth from the rift, while keep her other hand firm in the air keep the rift at bay she dug the sharp end of the stone into her wrist.

“Athena!” Dorian yelled reaching out to her. She jerked back dipping her fingers into her own blood she began to write over the words on the page. 

“There is no time! I can feel myself slipping. Please give this to Cullen,” she said the tears now pour from her eyes. “He has to get this, will you give it to him. Please!” Dorian knelt beside her.

“Of course love. Can you tell us what’s going on!?” He asked looking down at her write. 

Just then the rift popped and hissed as the mark could no longer keep it open, than it closed upon itself. 

“NO! Not yet!” Athena quickened her pace as she flipped the page to write more. She screamed and flung the book to Bull’s feet. 

“Give that to him. He must know it was me, the real me. I can feel the fade slipping from me. Oh god…. I love you all.” She screamed again as the mark on her hand disappeared.

With her last free breath she looked to Varric who was kneeling next to her as well. She grabbed his hand in hers and met his eyes threw her tears the sobbed, “Don’t leave me like this.”

She faced the others, “Kill me. By the maker please set me free……..” Athena looked down at her arm and then back up to Dorian. Her face was calm and there were no longer tears. She was gone her connection to the fade once again cut from her. 

“I require healing if possible.” She asked him her tone flat. 

No one moved for a moment, than Bull bent down to pick up the book she had tossed at his feet. Flipping to the page that was still wet with blood he closed his eye with a heavy sigh. 

Cassandra rose to her feet gripping her sword so tight her knuckles turned white. “We must return to Skyhold.”

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Cullen was sitting at his desk when he heard a knock at his door. 

“Enter.” He said not bothering to hide the whiskey that was nearly empty on his desk. Who was he trying to save face with? No one mattered and neither did his character, he no longer cared what people thought of him. The world was going to burn anyways at least this way he might be able to drink himself to death before it happened. 

Varric was the first to enter fallowed by Dorian and Cassandra. All of them looked at the commander then to the floor. His normal pristine looks had been tossed aside. His hair lay disheveled atop his head, his coat hung from one shoulder. He wiped the left over drink from his mouth and looked up at them.

“I hope this is important. I’m in a meeting.” He said with a small smile. Proud of his own joke, then poured himself another class. 

Cassandra cleared her throat and stepped forward. Folding her arms in front of her she spoke with a gentleness that not many knew she possessed. 

“The inquisitor regained her mind.” She said. 

Cullen let the glass slip from his fingers; it hit hard against the desk then shattered on the floor. He froze looking from her eyes to the others. “Is this a jest?” He asked his voice hard.

“I would not joke. She was connected to the fade once more; sadly the connection did not last. After a rift appeared she seemed herself for a moment then when it closed she was lost to us.” Cassandra added looking back at him. 

Cullen could almost laugh, of course it didn’t last. Why would something good happen? Why would the strongest women he had ever met be able to pull herself from this? That would be fair, and as he learned over and over life was everything but fair. Cullen opened his mouth to tell them to leave but was cut off by Dorian throwing something on his desk.

“She would be ashamed of you.” The mage said his lips pulled back in disgusted. 

The commander was up and around his desk in seconds. Even with all the whiskey in him he could still move with a grace only Templers have. He grabbed Dorian by the collar of his robe. 

“You dare say that to me! Do you know what it’s like! DO YOU!?” Cullen pulled him inches away from his own face. “By whatever higher power there is I will rip out your throat if you ever speak to me about her again.” Cassandra moved to pull him from Dorian. 

“She wanted you to have it!” She said throwing him back against his desk. Looking down he clutched the book in his hand.

“Oh right, with what could be her only lucid words she said she wanted me to read Varric’s piece of shit novel. All of you get out of my office.” 

“Open it.” Varric said still standing by the door. Cullen eyed him then flicked the book open. 

The pages were red, smeared words covered them in a messy jumbled font. He knew this hand writing. “How is this possible?” he asked 

“It was the first thing she did after saving us. She demanded parchment, then when none of us had a quill she grabbed a stone and sliced open her own arm so that she could write. So she could write to you.” Cassandra added. 

The page had small droplet marks. Cullen trembled as he realized they were tear drops. With misty eyes he read the words on the page.

I love you. I was a fool to try and keep the pain to myself. should have trusted you. Please don’t think me weak. Maker I miss you so much it hurts. I wish I knew what your lips felt like on mine. How warm it would be in your arms. I’m slipping away. Please have courage I did not. Free me from my own body. End my pain. I love you.

The blood had run together several times making the note hard to read. He had to lean an arm down on his desk to keep himself standing. His body shook with grief. How could she ask this of him? How could she think that he would be able to do end her pain? His eyes were squished shut as he tried to keep the tears from falling. 

Seeing him shake Cassandra turned to the others and motioned for them to leave, as she pulled the door closed behind her she spoke softly, “She will be alone in her room tonight, if there is anything you have to say to her.” with that she close the door.

As they crossed the walked across back to the keep, they all closed their eyes at the sound of Cullen’s thundering sobs.   
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The inquisitor sat by her fire place, Cullen watched as she held a book in her lap. Clearing his throat he walked over to her. 

“Inquisitor.” He said sitting down next to her. 

She turned to face him closing her book and placing it next to her. “Cullen I still have my memories I know I have asked you to call me my name.” 

“Athena.” He whispered to her.

“Being around me is hard for you isn’t it.” She asked looking as even as ever.

“I….” Cullen cleared his throat then spoke again, “Your current condition brings me no joy.” 

“That’s why I asked if someone could end it.” 

“Do you know what you’re asking?” 

“I do, I know what you must be feeling. I try to remember what those feels are like but I cannot. My body wants me to feel all these things anger, grief, happiness…..love. But my mind won’t produce those feelings.”

“What do you mean your body wants you to feel?”

“When they took me to see Lady Viv in hopes to provoke my feelings, my fists clench at my sides my breathing became somewhat labored, but I felt no ill will to her. I felt nothing in fact.”

Cullen rubbed his temple, “I see.”

“Right now, my chest is tight and my heart beat is faster than normal. There is some kind of pull I feel to you. I want to sit closer to you right now. I feel it always when you are around, but my presence seemed to cause you so much pain. I stayed away.” Athena said then added. “May I sit closer to you?”

Cullen nodded.

Athena shifted so her body was now flush with his. Parting his legs he allowed her to sit between them with her back to his chest. Cullen could feel the heat coming from her body; he could smell the fresh earthy smell of her soap. With a deep breath he buried his face in her hair and inhaled. 

“Forgive me that was not appropriate.” He said lifting his head. 

“I enjoyed it.” Athena said looking back at him, still no emotion showed on her face.

For a moment he was greedy he did what he wanted, wrapping his arms around her he pulled her back forcefully. Snaking his hand up he grabbed her neck gently leaning her head back exposing her neck to him. He nuzzled his nose into the flesh breathing in her smell. 

With a broken sigh he loosened his hold on her, “The maker is cruel.” He said letting his head lean on her shoulder. 

“My mind does not feel what you feel, but as I stated my body still reacts.” Athena said looking over her shoulder again.

“What are you saying?” Cullen asked looking back at her.

She turned around so that she was on her knees in front of him. “I can see you are in pain. It will not mean the same thing to me as it does you. But if you need it. My body is here for you.” She put her hand on his. 

“I couldn’t…that would not be…..no.” Cullen moved his hand from under hers and got to his feet. 

“Have I offended you commander?” she asked still sitting on the ground.

He shook his head. “No. You’re fine. It’s just something like that isn’t done.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he paced back and forth.

“Do you no longer find me stimulating?” she asked.

Looking down at her he swallowed hard. There she was on her knees before him ask him to use her body. She would be unable to stop him, couldn’t say no to him. He could do whatever he wanted. All of the dirty thoughts he had of her, the ways he wanted to take her. A shutter ran threw his body.

“That’s not it. Maker that’s not it at all.” 

Athena got up and closed the space between them; she cupped his face with one hand. His eyes closed as she rubbed her thumb over his bottom lip. Then without warning her other hand moved to rub his already erect member.

His hand caught her wrist loosely. “Please. Don’t do this. I can’t…..it’s not right.” He stuttered.

“Let me help you Cullen.” She said pulling her arm free. 

He should have stopped her, should have been stronger. He knew this wasn’t right; she was in no position to do this. But as her hand moved up and down his cock his head fell back and his eyes closed. He could forget all that. To him this was her, all of her, magic and all. 

“Athena…” he groaned. 

“Yes Commander?” She said.

Opening his eyes he looked at her, then with a frown her knocked her hand away. “The fade take us both.” He said pulling her to him. 

His lips crashed roughly onto hers, his tongue plunged into her mouth tasting her. Slipping his arms around her he pulled her fully into his arms. Then with little effort tossed her onto the bed. This coat slipped from his shoulders with ease, then without hesitation he pulled his plan white shirt over his head leaving him bare from the waist up. 

Athena sat back on her elbows watching him, the same blank expression on her face. Cullen didn’t drop her gaze as he unlaced his pants, and then in one motion let them fall to the floor. 

Wrapping his hand around his cock he pumped it up and down, soon it throbbed in his hand. He sighed heavily running his hands threw his hair, then moved to the bed. 

He climbed over her slowly, leaning his head down to trap her in another kiss. Running his hands up her body he fisted his hand into her hair. 

“Take this off” He said motioning to her robe. 

“Yes Commander.” She said then moved to unbutton the top. 

Groaning at her reply he knocked her hands away. “I’ll do it.” He then released her hair and moved down to the top of the robe. Looking down at her he took both sides in either hand and ripped it apart. Her breast sprang free as buttons flew to the bed. 

His cock twitched as he ran his hands over them. Pushing them together he buried his face between them, sucking and nipping at the sides. Soon he loved to capture one of the rosy nipples in his mouth. Sucking hard he moved it other hand to pinch and pull the other nipple. 

A line of spit trailed from his mouth to her nipple as he looked up at her. She watched him with the same placid look on her face. “Are you enjoying this?” he asked squeezing his breast in his hand.

“My body is reacting.” She said looking back.

Cullen’s lip pulled back into a snarl, “But you feel nothing.” He asked.

Athena shook her head. 

That’s when the growl ripped from his throat. Moving quickly her tour the rest of her robe from her body. He pushed her legs apart roughly then without warning buried his throbbing cock all the way into her.  
His thrusts were violent, lifting the very bed they were on as he plunged into her. 

“You were mine. We were going to be together. I loved you.” He said as he pushed into her. Then with each thrust he spoke, “YOU. WERE. STOLEN. FROM. ME!” 

Cullen didn’t know when they started but he felt the tears rolling down his cheek. A new cry broke as his thrusts became erratic. Soon it was no longer words falling from his lips but full blown sob as he plunged into her two more times.

“ATHENA…” He cried as he emptied himself into her. Falling onto his side he pulled her to him, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. 

“Come back to me.” he said the tears still falling from his eyes. He kissed her face multiple times up and down chanting the same thing over and over. “Please, please, come back. Come back.”


End file.
